Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
