she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize