So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
