my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
