We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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