how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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