I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Soap is not a condiment
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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