I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
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i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize