Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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