can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
