Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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