i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
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Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
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I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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