I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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