Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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