do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
