woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Sorry about my life...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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