dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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