Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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