hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
