You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
