Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Randomize
