I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
