Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
