I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
