So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
