Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The beer is more important than you right now.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
