Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
