Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
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I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
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I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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