Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
