Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
