Pappa wants mamma naked
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
