Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The air was thick with penises
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
