I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I think my fart just growled at me.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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