Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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