At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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