Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
