Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
