He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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