is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
