i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
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