who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
well you can't waste a boner
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
