i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
