I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
