Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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