someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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