I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
