You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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