I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
