Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
