Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
