Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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