even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
