with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
