According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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