i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
