when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Randomize
