While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
