Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
