Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
