So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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