even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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