Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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