youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
