i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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