Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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