Who did Billy Mays play for?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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