thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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