what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
