you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
