Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Two words: blizzard sex
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
