he wants to bone in the snuggie
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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