Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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