I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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