you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
