she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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