I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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