I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
