Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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